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I have grown up in a very conservative Baptist family. I am also one of the few black people at my suburban school. I was always an outsider in school: I dressed differently, I ate different food and I had different beliefs. One day I heard about another guy in 10th grade who was a “fag”. I remember thinking about what that meant, and whether or not I might be one too. We ended up meeting and talked a little bit. A few days later after school he asked me to walk with him to a friend’s house. On the way it started to rain so we waited under the overpass. We were hanging out talking when he kissed me. I wasn’t exactly naďve, I knew that I liked him and I knew that I enjoyed his kiss… so when he took my hand as we walked back and asked if I would be his boyfriend I said yes.
That’s how I started coming out to people. I’d tell them that I “met someone” and when they asked what her name was I replied with his name. Eventually I found out about Kaleidoscope, and we started going there. It ended up that our relationship only lasted a couple months, but by then I had met a lot of new friends I could talk to. Then one morning a few months ago my dad came into the room as I was just getting up. We started talking, and at some point in the conversation he asked about a “friend” of mine who had been over to our house for dinner. “Does he have a girlfriend?” he inquired. “No” I said. “Does he have a boyfriend?” he joked. To which I replied, “Uh… yeah.” “Is it you?” he demanded. “Yes.” The silence that followed seemed to last forever. I’ll never forget the look on his face. “Why are you looking at me like I’m a stranger?” was all I could think to say. He simply said “you are” and left my room. I was in complete shock. Even though we had talked at Kaleidoscope about whether I would come out to any of my family, I still had no idea what to do. I cried for a while, feeling scared and ashamed. All I knew was that I didn’t feel safe staying in my house with my father. Somehow I made it to school and called my Grandma. Thankfully she was much more supportive. She drove me to Kaleidoscope after school and we all talked there. I stay with her now. I’m okay and I still go the same school and Kaleidoscope. —LeDante, 17
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